Fifty One Ways to Annoy Joey
by Kohaku no Hime
Summary: Self-explanatory title, no pairings, non-bashing. Edited 06/2012 to meet FFN guidelines.


_You've all seen this before, but in light of the recent crackdown by FFN admins I've decided to edit this series of fics so that they don't have numbers. I've also combined a couple that were similar in nature to save on space. There are some new ones in here that I've added after going over them. _

_...Yes, this author's note is the exact same one you'll now be seeing through all of the "Fifty One Ways to Annoy..." series._

_This fic is not meant to be bashing the character involved in any shape of fashion. Please don't construe this fic to mean that I dislike the character involved._

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**Fifty One Ways to Annoy Joey:**

Follow him around and keep asking "Got any grapes?" no matter what answer he gives.

Follow him around while constantly chanting, "Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Joey stole the cookie from the cookie jar!"

Give him nicknames that are unrelated to his real name. Y'know, like Paul, Hans Solo, Teddy Bear, Snookie.

Ask loudly where babies come from. Keep asking him even if he says he won't tell you.

On the off chance he gets frustrated enough to tell you where babies come from , look offended and claim he's not taking you seriously.

Whenever he's done saying something snigger and say, "Yeah, like we'll ever believe that!" very sarcastically.

Poke him at random moments. Don't give him a straight answer as to why you are doing it.

Laugh at anything he does as if it's the funniest thing on the planet.

Follow him around and declare loudly that he learned everything he knows from you.

Whenever anyone asks you about him say proudly, "All of us here at the insanity response unit are so proud of him—we just got him potty trained."

Spray Serenity with a fire extinguisher. If you're too compassionate to spray poor Serenity, wait till Joey is in the shower, then spray _him_ with the fire extinguisher—then run and run fast!

Compare his life story in detail to that of a dog's.

Say bad things about him before he passes out of earshot.

Try to get him to start a conga line.

Smack yourself on the head with something hard, then throw it by Joey and claim loudly that he has wounded you.

Kick him in the shins at random moments when he is not looking, then run away.

Tell Joey that Mai told you a secret and that it's something to do with him. Don't tell him what it is, no matter what he offers.

Wake him up early in the early hours of the morning with a bucket of cold water. You could also put his hand in warm water while he's sleeping.

Style his hair to look like Kaiba's.

Buy him accessories that are intended for a dog (you know, flea powder, collar, dog food, a muzzle, etc).

Go up to him and tell him you've done something to something in his room. See how long it takes him to work up the nerve to brush his teeth again (in fear you've dipped his toothbrush in the toilet).

Walk up to him and say, "Man, it feels good to be a hamster!" and walk away with no explanation.

Put pink hair dye in his shampoo. When he comes out comment loudly on not knowing Siegfried had a cousin.

Get him a puppy for Christmas. Claim that it's his long lost cousin—bonus points if it's a mutt.

Show up in his room before he goes to bed with warm milk and a lullaby in mind to help him sleep.

Mimic him in an especially childish way whenever he speaks.

Ask him why it is that even though he is a good duelist, he keeps losing to Kaiba. If he ignores you, ask why he isn't as cool or good-looking as Kaiba.

See how many rounds of "100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" he can take before he tries to kill you. Claim that it was a test of his mental stability and that he's clearly failed.

Whenever you discuss Jounouchi's strange behavior around you with others, always refer to him as "she."

Replace all his clothes with dresses (or any other clothes that are obviously intended for a woman). Admittedly, some of the fun is sapped out of the joke because he can always get new clothes, but it will still be entertaining to watch him try to explain his predicament to the salesclerk.

Give him a fake lottery ticket.

Hide his deck. If he pesters you enough, tell him you sold it for a nickel.

Wash all his white clothes with something red. Get his reaction on tape.

Tell him you're leaving to see if he cries out of sheer joy.

See if he attempts to be polite about you saying you're leaving and tries to say something like too bad, or, "I'll miss you," or, "You simply must write," or, "Send me a postcard!" Start pestering him if he doesn't.

Think of the most annoying song you can and get it stuck in his head.

When he threatens to beat you up if you continue to sing, smile brightly, say, "Oh all right…" and then begin to hum it.

Offer him gum from one of those trick packs (you know, the ones that shock you or snap your fingers with a mini mousetrap).

Lock him in the same room as Yami Marik. If you can't find him (a likely scenario) Kaiba will work.

Take him to New York and drop him off in Brooklyn. See if his accent is really a Brooklyn accent.

Tie him to a chair and leave him directly in front of an all you can eat buffet.

When he tries to attack you and must be forcefully restrained, sigh and say, "I always said he was insane. I've known it for years," even if you've only met him last month.


End file.
